2008 Woodie Awards
A look at Valentine's Day through the eyes of a bachelor
Maurice M. McKiernan
Issue date: 2/13/08 Section: Commentary
No hugs. No kisses. No chocolates. No romantic dinner. No whispering of sweet sentiments or the sharing of sweeter moments.
Welcome to Valentine's Day as a single man.
This is, by far, my least favorite celebration - it has not been kind to me in the past. Different circumstances have found me single on this holiday for the past seven years.
Regardless of Halloween's historic roots, which were formed and molded by paganism, witchcraft and Satanism - I think Valentine's Day is the most sadistic festivity of them all.
This is the one holiday that exalts the people who are in a certain position that could be seen as enviable, and latently demoralizes the ones who are not.
I am a member of the latter: I am a 26-year-old bachelor.
We show our disdain for this affair by using Feb. 14 to celebrate SAD (an ironic acronym for Singles Awareness Day). It is a way of showing that you don't need to be in a relationship to be a happy person, and it allows one to express love for others who they are not sexually involved with.
Still, natural emotions seep through.
Being a bachelor is really not too bad - it can get lonely at times, but until Mrs. Right comes along, I enjoy my time as a person who is not concerned with Miss Right-Now.
Still, this is the one time of year in our culture that sharing passionate encounters in flickering candlelight seems desirable - almost required - to keep sanity.
Through my eyes, the Valentine's Day routine is a terrible sculptor of attachment-based behavior.
The Day used to be set aside to simply honor martyrs. It was not until Geoffrey Chaucer befouled the whole tradition by using his artistic intelligence to create a permanent association between Valentine's Day and romance.
As it stands, this holiday is one of the worst educational tools for children; it forces them to pass out passionate sentiments to others who they genuinely might not like.
In third grade, I remember getting a Valentine from a girl who I constantly and vehemently fought with. This was the first time I realized Valentine's Day - for a child - involves using deceptive emotions: a practice that begins and unfortunately continues throughout many of our lives. Bad habits are hard to break.
Yeah, I know: You pass out a Valentine to every kid so no one gets left out, but how realistic is that? In this human existence you are bound to be rejected - romantically and professionally - several times throughout your life.
I used to get a card from every kid in the class, but not anymore.
I got left out; I am single; I am sad - but this rationale is merely a conditioning that we must break through.
"All life is suffering," said Siddhartha Guatama, the Buddha. Maybe if we did not train our children to automatically be accepted and selected, there would not be such a drop-off when they happen to face the inevitable rejection in adulthood.
That said, I wish you all a happy and content Valentine's Day.
Let's spend it loving our partners, families, companions and ourselves.
Contact Maurice M. McKiernan at mmckiern@iupui.edu.
Welcome to Valentine's Day as a single man.
This is, by far, my least favorite celebration - it has not been kind to me in the past. Different circumstances have found me single on this holiday for the past seven years.
Regardless of Halloween's historic roots, which were formed and molded by paganism, witchcraft and Satanism - I think Valentine's Day is the most sadistic festivity of them all.
This is the one holiday that exalts the people who are in a certain position that could be seen as enviable, and latently demoralizes the ones who are not.
I am a member of the latter: I am a 26-year-old bachelor.
We show our disdain for this affair by using Feb. 14 to celebrate SAD (an ironic acronym for Singles Awareness Day). It is a way of showing that you don't need to be in a relationship to be a happy person, and it allows one to express love for others who they are not sexually involved with.
Still, natural emotions seep through.
Being a bachelor is really not too bad - it can get lonely at times, but until Mrs. Right comes along, I enjoy my time as a person who is not concerned with Miss Right-Now.
Still, this is the one time of year in our culture that sharing passionate encounters in flickering candlelight seems desirable - almost required - to keep sanity.
Through my eyes, the Valentine's Day routine is a terrible sculptor of attachment-based behavior.
The Day used to be set aside to simply honor martyrs. It was not until Geoffrey Chaucer befouled the whole tradition by using his artistic intelligence to create a permanent association between Valentine's Day and romance.
As it stands, this holiday is one of the worst educational tools for children; it forces them to pass out passionate sentiments to others who they genuinely might not like.
In third grade, I remember getting a Valentine from a girl who I constantly and vehemently fought with. This was the first time I realized Valentine's Day - for a child - involves using deceptive emotions: a practice that begins and unfortunately continues throughout many of our lives. Bad habits are hard to break.
Yeah, I know: You pass out a Valentine to every kid so no one gets left out, but how realistic is that? In this human existence you are bound to be rejected - romantically and professionally - several times throughout your life.
I used to get a card from every kid in the class, but not anymore.
I got left out; I am single; I am sad - but this rationale is merely a conditioning that we must break through.
"All life is suffering," said Siddhartha Guatama, the Buddha. Maybe if we did not train our children to automatically be accepted and selected, there would not be such a drop-off when they happen to face the inevitable rejection in adulthood.
That said, I wish you all a happy and content Valentine's Day.
Let's spend it loving our partners, families, companions and ourselves.
Contact Maurice M. McKiernan at mmckiern@iupui.edu.
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